I Missed My Dad

Three years after my father died, I sat down to write about it. Our relationship was never simple or comfortable. We saw the world in very different ways, but as I grew older, I realized the power of his life. I think it was Mark Twain who said, "When I left home at eighteen, I was certain my father was a fool. When I returned two years later, I was surprised at how much he had learned." That's how I felt as well.

I shared my thoughts with my family at the 90th birthday party given for my father's mother, Abbie. When I started to receive letters and phone calls from complete strangers who had somehow discovered the essay, and heard them encourage me to give it a wider audience, I began to think about publishing it. I had never published before and knew very little about publishing in general. But I looked around, and in 1995 I submitted the essay to the journal Dialogue, which published it in late 1995.

In 1996, the essay received the "Best Personal Essay" award. There seemed to be a thread in it that most people who had lost a parent could understand. This award further caused me to consider if I might publish the essay to an even wider audience.

In 1998 I self-published a novel, a comic afterlife romantic adventure called I Hated Heaven. I learned a great deal about self-publishing through that book, and, over the next year, I sold over 10,000 copies. Encouraged, I decided to self-publish Dad Was A Carpenter and see if I could duplicate the outcome.

Self-publishing is a daunting and fearful endeavor, but on the plus side, many people have done so with great success, including Mark Twain and John Grisham. There are many books and seminars on the subject, and every author I spoke to who had done it was generous with the knowledge they had gained. Dad Was A Carpenter came off the press in May 1999, and we premiered the book at Book Expo in Los Angeles, the world's largest book market convention.

The book sold well and I entered it in every credible competition I knew about. When I got a call in March 2000 from Writer's Digest magazine, the sponsors of the National Self-Published Book awards, telling me that my book had won the Grand Prize, everything changed from one moment to another. When the issue of the magazine appeared in August 2000, I got phone calls from a dozen literary agents who wanted to represent the book. After long conversations with several of them, I chose Joseph Durepos of Chicago, Illinois, to represent the book. Joe was enthusiastic and had great passion and energy for the book.

I was not disappointed. Within two weeks of signing with Joe, he had secured a sale to HarperCollins. The editor who bought the book, Gideon Weil, was very excited and called it "almost perfectly written," a great compliment.

HarperCollins re-issued the book in May 2001. They generously flew me to Book Expo in Chicago, where they premiered the "new" book. Only the cover had changed. I was proud the book would now reach a much larger audience.

We all have a story to tell. The trick, I think, is digging down into it and finding the parts that resonate with other people. Although each of us is an individual, we all share common human experiences. I believe people read not just for entertainment, but to learn. We are often confused in our own lives, but when another person shares his experience with us, it can give us insight into our own lives as well.

This is the basis of all lasting literature. My book, which is about a man who never knew he was great, might serve others in my situation. I think most of us, as we grow older, begin to recognize the wonderful qualities and sacrifices of our parents for us. We want to say "thank you" to them.

Dad Was A Carpenter is how I said "thank you" to my father. I'm very pleased it has helped others thank their parents as well.